Please refer to the post titled "Club Championship - Day 2".
Having lost on days one and two, I found myself in the lame duck flight. There were 7 flights and each one had two losers who could not win on day 1 or 2. That meant 14 people playing against each other. Lowest score made $50 and second lowest score made $40. Then the lowest two scores adjusted for handicap also made $50 and $40. With a 16 handicap, and a two hour delay due to a massive hail storm that went through the club on Saturday afternoon...I had a decent chance. Mainly because the two hour delay probably meant a lot of the lame duckers would blow off today.
Made par on the first hole, bogey on the second, triple bogey on the third...well, you get the drift. Bottom line...I suck. Shot 94 with only two pars. The good news is, I did not finish dead last. The other loser in our flight shot 105...so he is officially the worst golfer at the club. At one point, he hit his own golf cart with a shot. All we could do at that point was laugh...sure beat crying.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Friday, July 11, 2008
Club Championship - Day 1
Last August, I decided to begin golf lessons in an attempt to improve my game. Started seeing Leon, and he informed me everything was wrong, and he would have to rebuild me. Yes, the $6 Million Golfer. As a result of trying to perfect a completely new swing, I started turning in horrific scores. But, as of late, I felt it was all coming together.
The result of all of this rebuilding found me in the 7th Flight today at the Club Championship. The famous "DWI Flight", so named because most participants would rather drink heavily than focus on golf. Having just ordered new clubs, and with my game coming around, I saw an opportunity to walk away with my flight, and earn some much needed pro shop credit towards the purchase of these clubs.
Today was a shotgun start, with golfers beginning on every hole on the course, and I found myself on the 15th tee for the start of what I hoped would be a solid romp through the tournament. The 15th is the beginning of what I call "Go to Hell Corner". That part of the course known for destroying good rounds of golf for me.
True to form, I launch my first shot of the tournament into the lake on the left side of the fairway, and my opponent goes on to win the first hole. No problem, I go to 16 and hit a perfect drive and a perfect 2nd shot to the green, with a possible birdie, and a certain par in store. My opponent proceeds to chip in for a birdie 3 from the deep grass on the right side of the green to win the second hole. That was it...I may as well have gone home then, because this guy, whom I know to not be very good, proceeds to shoot 2 over par in 12 holes to beat me in the first round.
The 7th flight is loaded with the worst golfers at the Club, and this guy has an out of body experience, and plays the best golf he has played in years to clean my clock. The minimum number of holes one can play in a match play format is 10, and he beats me in 12.
We were done so early, I had time to sit alone at the club house and drink three beers, and no other groups were coming in. I went home, fed the dogs and returned to the club house before any other matches were wrapping up.
I have grown weary with the "This is the best golf I have ever played" comments coming from my opponents. Once, I would like for those comments to be directed to some other poor sap. All I can play for now is 3rd place...assuming I don't get another "best round of my life" thrown at me tomorrow.
More tomorrow...
The result of all of this rebuilding found me in the 7th Flight today at the Club Championship. The famous "DWI Flight", so named because most participants would rather drink heavily than focus on golf. Having just ordered new clubs, and with my game coming around, I saw an opportunity to walk away with my flight, and earn some much needed pro shop credit towards the purchase of these clubs.
Today was a shotgun start, with golfers beginning on every hole on the course, and I found myself on the 15th tee for the start of what I hoped would be a solid romp through the tournament. The 15th is the beginning of what I call "Go to Hell Corner". That part of the course known for destroying good rounds of golf for me.
True to form, I launch my first shot of the tournament into the lake on the left side of the fairway, and my opponent goes on to win the first hole. No problem, I go to 16 and hit a perfect drive and a perfect 2nd shot to the green, with a possible birdie, and a certain par in store. My opponent proceeds to chip in for a birdie 3 from the deep grass on the right side of the green to win the second hole. That was it...I may as well have gone home then, because this guy, whom I know to not be very good, proceeds to shoot 2 over par in 12 holes to beat me in the first round.
The 7th flight is loaded with the worst golfers at the Club, and this guy has an out of body experience, and plays the best golf he has played in years to clean my clock. The minimum number of holes one can play in a match play format is 10, and he beats me in 12.
We were done so early, I had time to sit alone at the club house and drink three beers, and no other groups were coming in. I went home, fed the dogs and returned to the club house before any other matches were wrapping up.
I have grown weary with the "This is the best golf I have ever played" comments coming from my opponents. Once, I would like for those comments to be directed to some other poor sap. All I can play for now is 3rd place...assuming I don't get another "best round of my life" thrown at me tomorrow.
More tomorrow...
Monday, July 7, 2008
Stimulus, Stimuli, Stimulata
I enjoyed another great Fourth Up North celebration on Friday. Good friends, good weather and good fireworks. Although it takes a lot of work, it is worth it, and I always end up having a great time. The wife and I set a benchmark this year, by making it through the entire operation with no arguments or angry words. Friday was followed by two days in the Emerald Cathedral pursuing my passion for breaking graphite shafts. I can't think of a better way to spend a three day weekend.
But wait...what is this in my mailbox today? Why, it is a $1200 Economic Stimulus check from my benevolent nannies in Congress. Why, this weekend just keeps getting better and better. After all, what better way to celebrate the proposition that all men are created equal than to accept some money taken from the wealthy taxpayers in this country and redistributed to those of us less fortunate.
Thank you, wealthy taxpayers. In your honor, I will do my part as a good American and get to some stimulatin'! Hopefully, you will own stock in some of the companies I intend to stimulate. Thus your share value and dividends will increase, causing you to pay more tax next year, resulting in an even larger redistribu...oooops, I mean stimulus, check next year. Oh, I forgot. There is not an election in 2009, so the nannies will not be making any such generous offering.
At any rate, I do intend to pump this money right back into the economy immediately. The wife will be purchasing what must be her 15th digital camera. And I, after a serious upbraiding by Shoeless, shall be custom fit for new golf clubs this week. As I am sure this was all that was wrong with my game, look for me on the Tour next year. Oh crap...that will make me wealthy...there goes my next stimulus check.
But wait...what is this in my mailbox today? Why, it is a $1200 Economic Stimulus check from my benevolent nannies in Congress. Why, this weekend just keeps getting better and better. After all, what better way to celebrate the proposition that all men are created equal than to accept some money taken from the wealthy taxpayers in this country and redistributed to those of us less fortunate.
Thank you, wealthy taxpayers. In your honor, I will do my part as a good American and get to some stimulatin'! Hopefully, you will own stock in some of the companies I intend to stimulate. Thus your share value and dividends will increase, causing you to pay more tax next year, resulting in an even larger redistribu...oooops, I mean stimulus, check next year. Oh, I forgot. There is not an election in 2009, so the nannies will not be making any such generous offering.
At any rate, I do intend to pump this money right back into the economy immediately. The wife will be purchasing what must be her 15th digital camera. And I, after a serious upbraiding by Shoeless, shall be custom fit for new golf clubs this week. As I am sure this was all that was wrong with my game, look for me on the Tour next year. Oh crap...that will make me wealthy...there goes my next stimulus check.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Persimmon...The Titanium of The Future
With the Club Championship looming on the horizon (July 11-13th) I have been trying to get out and tune up the golf game whenever I get a chance. Friday, I snuck out of work and played a round with Damian and a buddy of his. Front nine, I was out of my mind and shot six pars and 3 bogeys for a 39. Easily the best nine holes I have played in a long time save for the 38 I shot at Lakeridge a couple of weeks ago. The problem lies in the other 9 holes. Damian popped off and stated I would probably shoot a 49 on the back, and that is exactly what happened.
The problem with shooting 39 on the front is you begin to believe you are a good golfer, and the specter of breaking 80 jumps to the front of your mind. As I have only broken 80 twice in my life...it is hard to resist the urge to look ahead.
All was holding together until the 13th hole, when I found myself in the trees with no escape, and only bad luck following me. I managed to escape with a double bogey and was 7 over par at that point. Meaning, I had five holes to go, and would now have to par all five to break 80. To put it mildly, I was a little upset with myself for putting myself in that situation.
I teed up the ball on 14 and pulled out the new 3-wood I had gotten for Christmas to hit a very easy tee shot onto a fairly simple par 4. I drew back, and completely missed the ball on my swing. This means, that although the ball never moved, I still have to count the stroke. Blood pressure is rising as I take another swing. I almost completely miss the ball again, and bounce it lazily just off the end of the tee box. Golf etiquette dictates that one must throw the club of choice at this point. As I had the new 3-wood in my hands, it became the club of choice. There was a sickening sound of graphite snapping as the head of the club parted ways with the shaft. Isn't that nice...now I will be out $50 or $60 to get the club repaired, in addition to pissing away a good round. The potential sub 80 became an 88 by the time it was all over.
Even worse, now as I prepare for the club championship, I will have to rely on the old, dusty persimmon wooden 3-wood for the duration. On a good note, I went out today with said club, and shot 84. Perhaps persimmon will prove to be the technology of the future after all.
The problem with shooting 39 on the front is you begin to believe you are a good golfer, and the specter of breaking 80 jumps to the front of your mind. As I have only broken 80 twice in my life...it is hard to resist the urge to look ahead.
All was holding together until the 13th hole, when I found myself in the trees with no escape, and only bad luck following me. I managed to escape with a double bogey and was 7 over par at that point. Meaning, I had five holes to go, and would now have to par all five to break 80. To put it mildly, I was a little upset with myself for putting myself in that situation.
I teed up the ball on 14 and pulled out the new 3-wood I had gotten for Christmas to hit a very easy tee shot onto a fairly simple par 4. I drew back, and completely missed the ball on my swing. This means, that although the ball never moved, I still have to count the stroke. Blood pressure is rising as I take another swing. I almost completely miss the ball again, and bounce it lazily just off the end of the tee box. Golf etiquette dictates that one must throw the club of choice at this point. As I had the new 3-wood in my hands, it became the club of choice. There was a sickening sound of graphite snapping as the head of the club parted ways with the shaft. Isn't that nice...now I will be out $50 or $60 to get the club repaired, in addition to pissing away a good round. The potential sub 80 became an 88 by the time it was all over.
Even worse, now as I prepare for the club championship, I will have to rely on the old, dusty persimmon wooden 3-wood for the duration. On a good note, I went out today with said club, and shot 84. Perhaps persimmon will prove to be the technology of the future after all.
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
The New American Taliban
Tonight, I can relate to the plight of the Taliban. I too, now hate America. I watched the opening episode of "America's Got Talent" for 15 horrific minutes, and I can understand now why they hate America. Is this truly what the majority of Americans consider entertainment now? I am not talking about you faithful readers. You have proven your superior intellect (at least when compared to the American average) with your various postings and remarks.
Good Lord, save us all! This was the first time in many years I have strayed far enough away from the History Channel and Discovery during prime time to get a taste of what's considered mainstream. That had to be the most painful 15 minutes of TV I have watched in lo these 49 years.
Last nights radio again spoke of the total absence of sunspot activity for the past three months, and I was reminded that according to the Mayan calendar, the world will cease to exist in 2012. The best I can figure is, it takes about four years for the Sun to burn out once it begins to run out of fuel. After tonight's experience, the darkness cannot come to soon for me!
Allah Akbar, brothers and sisters.
Good Lord, save us all! This was the first time in many years I have strayed far enough away from the History Channel and Discovery during prime time to get a taste of what's considered mainstream. That had to be the most painful 15 minutes of TV I have watched in lo these 49 years.
Last nights radio again spoke of the total absence of sunspot activity for the past three months, and I was reminded that according to the Mayan calendar, the world will cease to exist in 2012. The best I can figure is, it takes about four years for the Sun to burn out once it begins to run out of fuel. After tonight's experience, the darkness cannot come to soon for me!
Allah Akbar, brothers and sisters.
Sunday, June 8, 2008
D-Day & Private Ryan
Every year, on June 6th, I try to make a point of watching Saving Private Ryan. This film helps me remember the sheer hell a lot of young men went through 64 years ago in an effort to preserve freedom for the rest of the world. The opening 20 minutes of D-Day footage should be required viewing for everyone under the age of 50. It will help you stop bitching about the bullshit going on at work, and the current run up in the price of gas. You don't have to watch the entire film...just the invasion footage. Life is good...and things could be a lot worse.
Thank you for your sacrifices, young men. Rest in peace...
Thank you for your sacrifices, young men. Rest in peace...
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