I-Phone or Blackberry

As the wife informed me a new washer and dryer is not a suitable gift for her birthday, I am resigned to moving her into the era of the smart phone.

As a Blackberry user for the past couple of years, I must say I have been very happy with it. I have tried to use the I-phone, but the overwhelming technological power of it gives me the creeps. Also, I discovered I cannot type on the damn thing. I tried the old line "The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog", but never got past "The qu..." The keys were so sensitive, I kept picking up letters without trying. Then, somehow I e-mailed the test message to myself. Smart phone, my ass.

Not to mention, the Blackberry will not set me back $400-$500 to start. I must admit, that appeals to my "frugal" side.

Any opinions out there?

Bang the Thumb Slowly...

Most weekends, after a round of golf, the pro will ask me how things went. I usually respond with the trite expression..."I should have stayed home, and pounded my thumb with a hammer." We all laugh, and I go on my way.

However, Sunday, after the second round of the Mud Ball Open, and another disappointing performance, I apparently let my subconscious mind take over, where my conscious mind should have been in charge.

I got home...eager to try out the new plug aerator I had bought to manage the estate on Maniacal Lane. Now, for the agronomically challenged, a plug aerator is a device consisting of a series of spiked wheels. It is designed to be towed behind a riding mower, and the wheels penetrate the ground as they roll, bringing up a "plug" of soil, and leaving a hole. These holes allow water and nutrients to penetrate into the lawn to promote a healthy lawn. To accomplish this, one must place a considerable amount of weight on the aerator to help the spikes penetrate into the winter hardened soil. In my case, I chose five full sized cinder blocks and four 5X9concrete flat stones.

Plenty of weight, as it turned out. The problem came after I had finished, and decided to remove the aerator in question from my mower. Keep in mind, I have a Masters Degree in Civil Engineering. Forgetting my physics classes, I disconnected the aerator from the mower, and the enormous weight of the concrete blocks immediately flipped the aerator backwards, "pounding my thumb with the hammer" of the tongue of the aerator underneath the back edge of the mower. A nickel sized chunk of flesh was removed from my thumb, and my regularly scheduled, one pint blood donation was accomplished in the flash of a piece of yard equipment. On the positive side, I did manage to teach the neighborhood kids a few new words. The good news is, the injury was high enough up on my thumb I don't think it will prevent me from pursuing my passion again this weekend.

When I told the folks at work about it, they asked when was the last time I had a teatnus shot. I explained that I injure myself more than "Tim, the Tool Man", so the wife has me on an annual vaccination schedule. Sometime, I will show you my tags.

Those That Can't Do....Teach

In the aftermath of another disappointing golf outing I have decided to take up a new pastime as a teaching professional...

Important Golf Lesson

Saying Nothing at All

To the two, maybe three readers out there, I apologize for the complete dearth in posting. I truly have had nothing worthwhile to write about. The grass is dormant, the garden, un-tilled. Work??? Yawwwnnnn!!! Not much to do when you find yourself with a $1 billion shortfall. Sad to say, but the weekly hanging out with grumpy old men at Caprock on Thursday nights has become the highlight of the week.

But, wait...what is that...looming on the horizon??? Oh yeah, the first golf tournament of the season is this weekend. The Mud Ball Open, in which Damian, RB and I will throw our best at the field to see if we can bring home the coveted "Pro Shop Credit". Given that RB and I will be competing for the first time since completely re-building our swings, and Damian will surely have the ass-chewing from the mother of four ringing in his ears, it is unlikely we will be competitive at all.

But, all that being said, we cannot do any worse than last year. After the first day's round, we found ourselves 10 strokes worse than the NEXT TO LAST PLACE team. Yes, that's right...not 10 strokes worse than the best...10 strokes worse than the worst.

Anyway...stay tuned for a report from the back nine tomorrow. There is bound to be plenty of comedic relief.

3:00 A.M. Phone Call

By now, I am sure you have heard Hillary's campaign ad about receiving a phone call in the White House at 3:00 A.M. Her question is..."Who do you want answering that phone?"

My question is..."Who the hell is calling at 3:00 A.M.????

Here are a few scenarios...feel free to add your own.



"Hello, President Clinton, may I help you?"

"Good evening, I would like to visit with you about Dish Network's total coverage package..."



"Hi, this is President Clinton, what can I do for you?"

"Good evening, little lady, is the man of the house in?"



"President Clinton. may I help you?"

"Hi Hill, this is Mon, is Bill there?"



"You have reached President McCain...it is 3:00 A.M. and I don't get up to pee until 5:00 A.M. Please call back at 5:15. If you are unable to catch me then, be sure to catch me before 4:30 p.m. or after 6:00 p.m., as I will be catching the "Early Bird Special" at Denny's during those hours."



"Hello, President Obama speaking..."

"Whasssuupppp!!!!"